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Health Care in Roanoke SUCKS!

Sorry I haven’t been here in a while but I’ve been trying to die. Much to my dismay, and due in NO WAY to the health care services in Roanoke; I think I’m going to live.

I’ve always told the people close to me that if they ever heard that I was in the hospital and that if they really needed / wanted to see me again (like if I owed them money or something) that they had better come quick.

I DON’T DO DOCTORS OR HOSPITALS.

I thought it was just a really bad case of “hay fever”. You know ..congestion … nasty cough .. can’t get that junk up or down.

After 3 weeks, countless hot tubs, steam baths,  bourbons and honey etc I didn’t get better. Actually, I got worse. Good friend and closet pharmacist Baron “Smurf”  Gibson insisted I go buy some medicine with guacamole in it. Metamucil or something (Mucinex with guaifenesin). Didn’t help. Again I got worse.

It got so bad that I couldn’t breath. Literally. I couldn’t take a breath deep enough to fill my lungs … I felt like I was suffocating. If I tried to do anything … work like .. it got worse. This was not a “just work through it” or “sweat it out” cold.

I decided I needed to seek medical attention but because I never go to the Doctor, I don’t have a family physician. At least I didn’t think I did. Turns out, I do and my dad convinced me to go.

So, I got up early ( got out of bed early … there was no sleeping in my condition), took an extra long shower, brushed my teeth 3 times and even put on clean under britches. I got there 15 minutes after they opened and the place was already PACKED.

I signed in and was directed to the “sick” people side of the waiting room. I waited 30-45 minutes until they called my name. Then, I got to go sit at a tiny desk and tell a perfect stranger all my intimate details. Then, out of the blue; it hit her … “wait … you don’t have an appointment ?”

NEWS FLASH LADY …. I don’t have an appointment because I DIDN’T KNOW I WAS GONNA GET SICK!!!

She then ever so politely told me that I couldn’t be seen “right now” and that I would have to make an appointment. I asked her how long my wait would be … what time could I schedule the appointment for? … LMAO .. I must be an idiot!  3 WEEKS ! They could see me in 3 weeks! I told her that would be fine but I needed to change my address. I told here to look up the local funeral home and use their address because if I didn’t see a doctor soon, that’s where I’d be. She didn’t see the humor.

I tried to explain to her about my job and how hypocritical it would be if I went to the ER. The emergency room Doc is NOT a family physician. She advised me to go to the “Urgent Care”. Turns out, thats located at one of old old hospitals here in town. When it was a hospital, it was not the one I would have chosen. I figured that since it’s now an “Urgen Care” vs. hospital / ER that it would be different.  NOPE.

There I sat .. another hour and a half surrounded by every drunk, sick and stinking SOB that could manage to crawl through the door. You would think that if you knew you were going to see a doctor that you would at least shower right? I mean … where did these people think they were going when they left their house?

I finally get to go back to a bed. I figured that since the hospital shut down and the facility was now a “Urgent Care” that they would have remodeled … wrong again. Just like I remembered the old ER.  They put me in a room with six beds separated by curtains. The other 5 beds were full. Doctors and nurses visited and treated those 5 while I and everyone else within 100 feet heard their every word. The best stories came after the doctor or nurse left and the pt behind the curtin talked things over with their friend (who brings a friend to the doctor with ya?).

After freezing my tail off behind that curtain for another hour, the Doc decided to pay me a visit. He was obviously a busy man and didn’t want to waste too much of his valuable time on me. It was obvious he wasn’t listening to a thing I told him and I was about at the point where I had enough. He decided to take a listen to my lungs … he straightened out and gave me an inquisitive look before going back in for a second listen.

Hummmm …. “you’re tight”.  NO SHIT ! That’s why I’m here .. what do ya think about a chest x-ray? Some blood work, a breathing treatment, a steroid and maybe then some anti-biotics? Step by step I walked him through the paces.

A few more hours and turns out that I have a severe case of bronchitis that was damn near pneumonia. I got a box full of meds and even get to carry an inhaler for a week. It’s helping … I’m not 100% but at least I can breath!

So there ya have it … that’s why I haven’t been here for a while. Now that I’m back on my feets, I gotta try to catch up on the farm work as well as here on Ironfiremen. I have several topics / items that I need to post on and I’ll try to get back on the job and catch ya up tomorrow.

Until then, Stay Safe and in House!

Captain Wines

Comments - Add Yours

  • http://firecritic.com Fire Critic

    Hilarious as always…

    The best part:She then ever so politely told me that I couldn’t be seen “right now” and that I would have to make an appointment. I asked her how long my wait would be … what time could I schedule the appointment for? … LMAO .. I must be an idiot!  3 WEEKS ! They could see me in 3 weeks! I told her that would be fine but I needed to change my address. I told here to look up the local funeral home and use their address because if I didn’t see a doctor soon, that’s where I’d be. She didn’t see the humor.

    I am glad you are still with us…but if you do “change your address” can I have any left over cheetos you might have in your house?