Tag Archives: Suicide

I'm not sure I'd be here today if he hadn't. Rhett, and the process he sat in motion SAVED MY LIFE that day and I will be forever grateful!

If any of ya find me, please let me know or just take me home (of course I don't even know where "home" is anymore).

I've learned so much about emotional / mental health and wellness since Jack's suicide. I've learned first hand what PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is and how it affects us. I've learned about grief and it's various stages. I've learned that although their are many similarities in how it affects us all, it's also (and often) very much so different for those of us "on the job" (Fire, Rescue and Police).

Despite the overwhelming support I received following my last post ("A Firefighter's Boots"), I was NOT able to return to duty and put mine back on. It wasn't because I didn't want to ... I did and you folks were a HUGE part of the reason why.

I've been in a dark place following my brother's death two weeks ago and my boots continue to consume my thoughts. You can tell by just the few examples I gave above that we have many options (or choices) when it comes to our boots. One of the biggest however is the one I didn't mention and the same one I'm facing now ... knowing when (and how) to put them back on or to just hang them up.

My life has revolved around "the job". It's what I was taught and all I've known. A lot of times (most times actually), my Fire Department family came first because my home family "understood". They were or should have been as strong and tough as me (or so I thought). They (the home family), could and would "do without" certain things knowing that I was somewhere else because that's where I thought I was needed most. Today I know I'm not near as smart or tough as I thought I was and that I was more often than not in the wrong place.

I also hope the first responders are not lost or forgotten in the media's search for "who" and "why".