Still fighting …


LOL … it’s seems like that’s all I’ve done for the past few months … fighting, climbing, digging etc.

At times, it seems it’s all I can do to keep my head above water but I’m holding on.

I’ve even been fighting a little “writer’s block” here lately.

Well actually, I guess it’s all tied in with the emotional issues I’ve been having / fighting. I have good days but still encounter a bad one every now and again.

Although we’ve never met in Person, I consider Peggy Sweeney of The Sweeney Alliance, Grieving Behind the Badge a GREAT friend. She’s good at what she does and has been a tremendous help to me.

She always knows what to say and how to say it. She told me of the troubles I’d face before I actually did. She warned me about “triggers”.  Something that will “trigger” a memory and bring all my emotion back to the surface.

I’m still not sure if it’s PTSD or simply depression that I’ve been fighting but I can tell you this …. it’s a hell of a battle.

I’ve talked about it here on before and it’s worth re-mentioning. Depression and PTSD are REAL. They’re an illness / disease that are both bigger than I ever imagined.

I bring this up again for a couple reasons. First, I had a rough weekend and kind of made mention of it in a status update on Face Book. As always, it resulted in an overwhelming show of support. THANKS to each and everyone of you.

Follow on Face Book Click HERE

The 2nd reason I’m revisiting this topic is because June is PTSD Awareness Month!

I’ll add here to keep in mind that it’s not just our soldiers who suffer from PTSD. I’d bet you’d be shocked to know how many of our Brothers and Sisters (Firefighters, EMS providers and Police Officers) suffer from and battle PTSD on a daily basis.

Special Thanks to a good friend and Brother Firefighter, Gary Allen Ridenour for sharing the links with me.

“Take the Step” and help raise PTSD awareness.

The first link below is from the Department of Veterans Affairs but they have a “public” section for you to visit.

National Center for PTSD 

Learn more about PTSD HERE

Of course “grief” goes hand in hand with PTSD and Depression so I’ll also include a few more links that I’ve used heavily over the past few months.

The Sweeney AllianceFirefighter Behavioral Health AllianceNorth American Firefighter Veteran Network,,   Recover from ,

And for the record, I’m feeling better today. I’m hoping for a long run of “good days”. Don’t let my postings or status updates worry ya. I’ve been sharing my story (and emotions) with you in hopes that someone out will realize (like I did) that they are not alone. Maybe someone out there will see my battles and realize that they too can fight. Several folks have told me that my postings on these topics have actually helped them in one way or another. For me, that makes it all worth it so I’ll keep writing about it when I can.

Hopefully I’ll kick this “writer’s block” in the butt as well. I’ve been wanting to get something up for ya but I just haven’t been able to focus here lately.

Of course my busy schedule doesn’t help matters much either. Hay season is here and that always occupies a lot of my time and adds to my stress level but I’ll figure all that out too (I’m tougher than I look …LOL). We had a very productive day in the fields on Saturday due to some GREAT help from family and friends.  I just hope I didn’t over work em on the opening day of our season … we’ve got a lot more left to get up 😉

So, until I get back to ya …. stay SAFE and in House!

Captain Wines