Tag Archives: Jack Wines

I wish

You know the old saying "sh%# in one hand, wish in the other and see which one fills up first"? Well, that's what today's post is about... my wishes.

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“The Right Thing”

Doing "The Right Thing" isn't about me. It's not about making myself look better in the eyes of someone who may or may not even have a clue about "The Right Thing". It's not about impressing someone. It shouldn't be for you either. If it is ... then maybe you're missing the mark. Maybe you're NOT "Doing The Right Thing" after all. Maybe you're in the wrong place.

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Finding the strength to do something that you don’t want to but know you must.

What I did yesterday was a lot like "searching". Searching on or above the fire floor. Crawling on your belly in pitch black ... complete darkness... "Zero Visibility" (another link worth your click). Not knowing what lies ahead, where you're going or what you may encounter along the way. Reaching out trying to find something ... someone but also hoping you wont. What will we find? Life, death or something in between?

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Searching….

I can't describe the feeling in your gut as you're crawling down that dark, hot hallway. So dark that you can't see the lens of your face piece and so hot that your bottle is hot enough to heat the air you try to breath. I can't tell you why it is that we keep pushing / going but we do.

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All Hands Working …. situation …" Doubtful "..errr … "Will Hold" … maybe??

First off, I need to say THANK YOU for all the Christmas cards, and messages I received. I personally read each of them and can tell you that they helped lift my spirits (sorry I haven't replied to them all) . I cried every day after coming home to see the fresh stack awaiting me on the kitchen counter. It is very humbling to know that so many of you out there are thinking and care so much about me and my family.

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Climbing out ….

I'll never get to make "those" calls again ... not to Jackson and it's killing me. This grief ... the depression.... it keeps knocking me down but I won't let it keep me here.

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I need a "do over" …

I've learned so much about emotional / mental health and wellness since Jack's suicide. I've learned first hand what PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is and how it affects us. I've learned about grief and it's various stages. I've learned that although their are many similarities in how it affects us all, it's also (and often) very much so different for those of us "on the job" (Fire, Rescue and Police).

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Barefooted … for now

Despite the overwhelming support I received following my last post ("A Firefighter's Boots"), I was NOT able to return to duty and put mine back on. It wasn't because I didn't want to ... I did and you folks were a HUGE part of the reason why.

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